Return of political awesomeness

It has been a while. Since we last chatted, I moved clear across the country from Los Angeles to Fort Lauderdale, Florida.

Yes, Florida. Ideologically and politically I am in the wrong state. As much as my energy allows, I do want to get involved in issues I care about.

Any who, I'm off to bed. My political rants and my more thoughtful, coherent discussions will be forthcoming.

Cheers!

The past never leaves you. It just moves to the back of your closet full of skeletons.

I was going to use a writing prompt but life today is way too full. After an hour and a half drive (30 miles), I get to the hospital imaging center for a full cardiac workup (lupus attacks my heart, if you didn't know). Almost five hours later, an IV in each arm, two EKGs, an MRI, a CT scan, entirely too many radioactive material in my body, I was finally free. I will say that the images from the MRI are awesome and I can't wait to get a copy.

Then I went to lunch with a former colleague and all around awesome person. So much has changed since we last saw each other but we picked up like nothing. As much as I bitch, change can be good. I have three major "things" in the works - opportunities I might not have had when I was working full-time. And for once, I'm okay with that.

This week I found pictures from elementary and high school. Seeing pictures of my dorky, so uncool self was fun. I wasn't exactly popular or even well liked through eighth grade so one would wonder why I care.

I like to believe, perhaps naïvely, that kids are total shits and mean. And most of the time, those little shits grow up to be good, kind people. I work on the assumption that this is the case with most people I knew.

The high school pictures were so much fun. We remembered the nun who was always late for global studies - we were convinced that she was stuck in the toilet. Our only male teacher in four years, the never ending award and talent shows and the love of my girls. It has been awesome.

I'm dying to find out more about their lives. I'm a people person (now) and I'm a lazy extrovert who writes random columns for random newsletters and magazines. Trying to play it cool is not my strength, so we will see.

Hi everyone. I live in Los Angeles, do mainly consulting for nonprofits and universities, married, no kids, cute terrier named Jon Snow. I have more hobbies than I can count and my only regrets at the moment are the fact that I'm too chicken shit to learn how to ride my husband's motorcycle and that I probably won't get another tattoo (3 so far). 

What is the best memory that you have from elementary school? High school?

We're getting old, my people.

I lost most of yesterday to Facebook. I’m a little embarrassed by it, but I had so much fun posting pictures from elementary and high school. Even though most feature me in my painfully awkward stage (grades five through ten), the pictures captured some of the more fun times. Connecting with people has been awesome. It also made me acutely aware of the passage of time. I graduated from elementary school over twenty years ago. We are getting old, my people, and fast.

Age and mortality is something that I’ve been contemplating a lot lately. Earlier this week, I was going through a box of stuff saved from my old job. In the box was a large envelope filled with thank you and holiday cards from colleagues and the people we served. One was a thank-you card from a woman who I genuinely liked and respected. She thanked me for something I did and for being an example. She died the following year from complications. She fought until the very last hour and was concerned about giving to others and making everyone else comfortable. She’s just one of several people that I know who have passed away since I moved to California. When your life is filled with people with varying degrees of poor health, mortality weighs heavily on your mind. The passage of time is filled with dread as you try to ignore the expiration date that’s stamped on your forehead.

On the other side of the spectrum, it seems like everyone I know has either recently had a child or is expecting a baby. It brings me no small amount of happiness to see the pictures of these families growing up. With them, we view time differently. We celebrate children getting older, learning more, becoming more of who they truly are. When we’re young, we embrace the passage of time. We can’t wait for the next thing we’ll be able to do when we’re old enough.

Right now, we’re somewhere in the middle, trying to figure out if we’re going to embrace getting older or mourn the experiences we denied ourselves. I am completely split down the middle. On one hand, I’m grateful for every day that I get. As much as I bitch and moan, I have a long list of things I want to accomplish and I’m not quitting before then. I also have a theory that with all the meds that are pumped into me daily, I will eventually become bionic and outlive all of you suckers. At the same time, I think about the times that I didn’t do something because I was afraid. There are more than I would like to admit, and that makes me sad.

When someone asks me how I feel about getting older, I often quote my sister. “I’m getting old, man. Getting closer to fifty.” But somehow that no longer seems so terrible.

Smile. It’s Friday. It’s a celebration. 

Writer's Block

When you’re home and writing all of the time, writer’s block sucks. The shortest stretch was a few days, but the longest was three months. I lost the entire summer to crap projects and silliness and got no work done on the two viable (and halfway decent, if I say so myself) novels. I finally started to get my mojo back in early October.  After an entire summer of staring at the screen and not producing anything worth sharing, it was like a cloud lifting.

What did I do to break out of it? Absolutely nothing. It was more of a reaction to the busyness of the fall for me. We have a significant number of family birthdays, trips, adopting a dog and having a chocolate egg cream at home. Don’t knock the egg cream. It’s a magical, magical drink that only few appreciate. Having all these fun and positive things happening in a short amount of time made me want to do something I loved again. So I’m writing. NaBloPoMo has been a great because it forces me to think about something different every day, to get out of my comfort zone and to find my voice again.

Have you ever suffered a block in your work? How did you get over it? 

How-to and Eliminating Worry (not a how-to on eliminating worry)

Yesterday’s prompt called for me to write a “how-to” on anything I have skills for, great or large. I am still stumped. I’ve got nothing. Sure I have skillz (yes, that was on purpose), but I don’t think anyone can teach the gift of gab, the nuances of networking, presentation tricks, public speaking, grant writing, program development and management, web content production, event planning or budget management in just one blog post. Besides, I’m not sure if anyone would be interested.

Today I’ve been asked if I could get rid of one worry, what would it be?

Good question. I have a lot of worries, but the biggest one is my health. Everything spins out from there: ability to get through the basic tasks of the day without help, going out and doing things that I love, spending more time with the people I love, volunteering, working…the list is endless and that’s just the physical part. If I could blink one thing away, it would be that.

Despite that, I’m relatively happy with life. I’m rocking a fab blowout thanks to the sub-90° weather, I’m back in my NaNoWriMo groove, I’m posting just about every day, and I’m not completely exhausted. My husband is a supportive rock star and Jon Snow is the best dog I could ask for. Sweet, stubborn, funny and cuddly. The weather has finally cooled down and this is by far my favorite kind of weather – low 60s, cloudy, with just a hint of a rain to come. That makes it easier for me to get out and enjoy life. I’m “working” on a few exciting projects, almost none of which require me to get out of my pajamas. More on that when details solidify. Life is good.

Two questions for you:

1.       Could you write a how-to on a skill of yours? If so, what would it be?

2.       If you could eliminate one worry, what would it be?

Aaand go…..

The Church of the Diamond

Crystal clear blue skies. 78° and slightly breezy. A dog watching softball and cheering for his male human. Stretching out in the grass.

That's my day so far and I'm learning to appreciate the little things in life.

Happy Sunday.

If you had the chance to do anything...

What would you do?

It's been an interesting year that has had huge challenges. The biggest one - the one I still struggle with - is finding ways to spend my time. I can't work and I have a hard time getting out frequently. So does one do with oneself?

My husband keeps telling me that I have a chance that most people have - a chance to do whatever I want and be whatever I want. Which is all good and fine, but I haven't figured out on what I want to spend my 10,000 hours.

Now I ask for your ideas: What would you do if you had the time and energy to do whatever you want?

Vacation

Where is the one place you would never want to go on vacation that other people seem to love?

I don't really do vacations. I like them in principle, but I just never took time in my twenties to travel like I would have liked. My vacation tastes have changed significantly during the years. I have absolutely no desire to do tropical locations anymore. Between the heat, humidity, mosquitos and beaches, it does not appeal to me at all. It's sort of like Atlanta for my friend. 

I also have no interest in going to new popular locations like Antarctica and the Arctic Circle. Seriously, people. Even Comedy Central recognizes that it's a bad idea to mess with some of our most delicate ecosystems. I'll save my climate change rant for another day. 

My ideas of ideal vacation spots are England, Ireland, Scotland (and Wales, just because it's there), Paris to visit the wee baby Henry, a yoga retreat in the mountains, a Buddhist monastery, or somewhere I can take Jon Snow. 

Where is your ideal vacation location? 

Am I a PROFESSIONAL Blogger?

Ha!

Nope!

No way in hell. At best, I consider myself an experienced amateur (yes, I actually meant to write that).

Do I want to be a professional blogger? Maybe. I enjoy writing, people seem to tolerate my opinions and some even find me amusing. I have a huge stumbling block. I'm not interested enough  in one particular topic to write about it for a considerable amount of time. I consider myself a jack of all trades, but master of none. I dabble in a bit of everything hobby-wise, and my interests are the same. Sometimes I am absolutely fascinated by a pressing political issue. Other days, I might write a review for one of my favorite restaurants. Occasionally, I whine. And I'm okay with that.

To me, professional blogging means that either your blog becomes a source of information or entertainment for a large audience or that your work is sought out by other online publications. Ideally, I would eventually like to be the second kind. I can write the hell out of an article about living and thriving with chronic diseases. I've written about and designed programs for everything from learning how to ask the right questions to suggestions on how to cope. If I could get my crap together, I would even do a vlog or two and answer questions.

In other news, my husband is back from a work trip to San Jose and it's always a joy when he comes home. I don't know how to end this post with anything else, because right now, it's the best feeling in the world. And I'm all about grabbing the great moments.

My Voice

Today's prompt is interesting.

Do you feel you have found your voice on your blog? What techniques have you tried to develop your voice in your writing? What are some characteristics of your personality in your writing?

I feel like I'm finally finding my voice on this blog after two years or so. I've always tried to be optimistic, but I came to the realization that life isn't that way. Certainly my life isn't always cheery and roses. So instead of trying to have a happy-go-lucky blog, I'm trying to be more of myself. Contemplative, morbid, sarcastic, and smart. And occasionally I try to be funny, but that's hit or miss. 

Developing my voice has been a work in progress. Part of it came from the insane changes in my life. I went from working full-time, having a good social life, working out with a trainer, and doing yoga on a regular basis to someone who hangs out on the couch most days because I'm either too sick from vomiting or pain to do anything. Don't get me wrong - I don't hate my life. I hate certain aspects of it, but I'm happy to be alive and kicking. I have an amazing husband, supportive family, caring friends and a great dog who keeps me laughing with his big doggie smiles. I am lucky to have a great medical team. I live in a fun apartment in a nice complex in a lovely town. I can see hills and mountains from the patio off of my bedroom. I am occasionally able to volunteer. 

And on days like today, I feel okay. It may not be a healthy person's version of okay, but for me, this is a banner day. I went on a twenty minute walk with my dog and we're getting ready to do it again. My pain is manageable without medication and I've only thrown up once in four days. My mind is clear enough that I can read and write and enjoy the sunshine and weather. I like to share about the good days, and sometimes the bad. I hope that my talking about it will make people more comfortable and more aware, and hopefully will turn into advocates. 

I love politics, especially national politics. Hell, my graduate school time was spent focusing on how government works. That's it. So one the midterm elections start, I'm in ranting heaven. I'm not naive or that arrogant to believe that my rants will change anyone's mind, but I love a good debate. 

I love yoga, meditation, environmental and social issues and television. I want to write about all of it, but from a contemplative place. I don't want to just write to write. Nor do I want to get so deep into things that I don't even know what I'm talking about. 

I finally feel like a blogger again.